That Vietnamese Thing

Ahhh family.

Or should that be: ARRRGGHHH! Family.

Those of us bethrothed to a lady of another nationality have not only the Mars/Venus collision to deal with but also the at times stupendous cultural differences to hurdle and manage. Understanding women is the holy grail of any man’s life. Cultural ‘clashes’ however are certianly not always down to the wife and the wife alone, the accompanying family can have a large part to play in our headaches ( I will use the possessive pronoun ‘our’ representing all my bretheren in this situation).

In my experience potentially the most explosive sitauations are tiny misunderstandings. Things so easily get lost in translation, a sea of idioms, facial expressions and lost sarcasm. Never communicate important matters in writing. In the larger, longer term picture – we have to accept that there are some things about the Vietnamese that a foreigner may never understand – and that’s not a bad thing either. For some it adds to the mystery and excitement. To others, it mounts into a burden of frustration. I know of many who have split from their foriegn spouses – but statistically we know of the divorce rates in western countries and should image the rate of divorce in mixed marriages is no higher if not much less. This article talks about it a little.

Now add children.

Our little babies come into the world and bless em they take over our lives and we watch them grow with joy. Parenting is a contentious issue in any household, never mind one that has to share the mindset of two continents. It starts from birth. Vietnamese traditions with regards to the birth of a child are not for the fainthearted and include the mother moving back in with her family, not leaving the house for a month and also not showering. Amongst many, many others. Personally, I think it all a load of nonsense with no basis in reality, but that’s an opinion. I would have struggled to go along with it all if I was in a traditional family. Chi is also not worried or concerned with ‘traditions’ of this nature and although she has a large family, they are not close. Furthermore we had Louisa in England, away from all that cultural interference that, I am sure, just adds to the stress of the new mother who just wants to be left alone with her new baby. For this, Chi was doubly glad. It was a nice start. Others suffer the brutal onslaught of aunts and nannies and grandmothers storming the poor little thing and dicatating the environment and conditions of the first weeks and months. I guess it all depends on your family situation, but I’d imagine most westerners come to a compromise with thier adopted families – as in, when to back the expletive away from my little son/daughter and let me do it.

As soon as we returned to Nam with our 7 month old daughter under our arm the ‘advice’ began. Two tendancies the Vietnamese seem to have towards babies. One is to gorge them on food – gigantic bottles of formula milk being shoved into their mouths. When they should be moving onto solid foods (natures hint is the teeth she provides), they tend to be force fed bottles of liquid food as well, even until they are 2 or older. Louisa has been chewing on carrots and eating rice since she was younger then a year old. Concerned aunts seemingly try and grind Chi down by saying that Louisa is ‘too thin’ just because she is not as ‘plump’ as all the other babies. You can see them with a big bottle of food and a small towel hidden behind their backs just desperate to shove the whole lot down her throat and fatten her up. Well, she looks OK to me. Proud to say, 100% breast fed till this very day.

Taking a walk in the park and a Vietnamese father in broken English asks me when Lou started to run around like a maniac, as she was at the time. I told him she started walking between nine and ten months old. Rather pitifully he looked at his 13 month year old son who still could only sit on his bum. ‘What kind of milk does she drink’? he asked me, as if all he needed to do was change his brand and suddenly his son would be up and about. Sure, children develop at different speeds, but absolutely no doubt about it, the environment you create for them has a massive impact as well. And this is point number two. We call it mollycoddling. Overprotection. Incessant carrying of the child doesn’t help it develop muscles in order to lift its head, then crawl, then grab the furniture and haul itself up and eventually take its first steps. Babies get carried here I feel way too much when they should be left on their backs and then their fronts in a safe space on the floor. It is also, in my opinion, essential that baby smacks his or her head on the table in order to learn that table is hard and it hurts when you smack your head on it. Same goes for eating dirt/flowers/grass/grit/fluff etc. Depriving these sensory learning experiences that wire the brain with a proper understanding of the world impedes development.

I would add my own disclaimer – T.V. This flickering, confusing and noisy instrument has no educational benefit for young children – yes, even if it is on Disney channel. What it does do is interfere with the development of the area of the brain that handles attention – and the ability to hold attention. Whilst the child is staring hypnotised at the machine it is missing out on the more important happenings around it such as watching and hearing the conversations of adults in the room – amongst the many health problems associated with over exposure to TV is attentional disorders and speech problems. Anyone wants a copy of this book, mail me. I digress, TV is by no means an exclusively Vietnamese problem.

Hopefully I’ve explained some of the pitfalls and tribulations involved in a mixed marriage and raising children within one, and some of the irritations I have come across being a father in Vietnam. All stereotypes within this post must be forgiven for the sake of the whole.

Finally, here’s our daughter Louisa, 16 months old, with her latest trick, making herself dizzy when the music comes on…

Yoga in Saigon

Taken from It’s The Final Word…

Yoga is an incredibe way to stay fit and feel good physically and mentally. If I could I would be in the studio every evening after work, however parenthood and location precludes that.

Many years ago, waiting in a bus queue at Bangkok airport, I got chatting to an Israeli guy. Turned out he was a conscientious objector and one of the many young Israelis who refuse to serve their time in the army. He had just returned from a Vispassana Meditation retreat in Myanmar, this one I believe. We had an enlightening chat on the bus and he passed me a short book which covered the philosophical angle of Vispassana. Reading through the book really struck a chord with me and sowed the seed of exploring spiritual avenues in the future – and yoga seemed the natural way to do this.

When I fist started going to classes it was with a Dutch teacher called Tessa who practicied Bikrim Yoga. Bikram is the famous ‘hot yoga’ usually conducted in a 40 degree heated studio. In Saigon, all you need to do is close the windows, turn off the fans and you have steamed mirrors,a lot of sweat and close to 40 degrees. After that first class of intense exercise I literally floated out of the room, the oxygen tasted sweet, my senses sharpened. That was the start of my yoga practice. There is nothing quite like unkotting the knots, ironing out the crimps and wiping the mental slate clean through 90 mins of deep breathing and stretching.

Yoga in Saigon is alive and well after what might be described as brief slump. Saigon Yoga closed its doors to its main studio after 6 years in the business. During that time it was the focal point of yoga for expats in the city. In recent years despite demand obviously growing growing no one seemed to have their act together. Those days seem to be over.

Yoga in Saigon

Daniel Degrood, ex teacher of Saigon Yoga, is now working on a new project at The Yoga and Meditation Center. I made my first visit there on Saturday. The studio doubles as a tea room during the day and is situated on Dien Bien Phu just before CMTT. It has a comprehensive schedule of classes.

Another teacher at YMC, Michelle Lloyd, also has an extensive freelance schedule and her own site, http://www.michellelloyd.com/. Classes include Saturday mornings at ‘The Deck’, a restaurant with wooden decking down by the Saigon River in Anh Phu, and Saturday afternoon classes in Phu My Hung. She also teaches at DanCenter Vietnam.

Saigon Yoga still exists in a smaller more personal format and modest timetable.

Yoga Living Vietnam is another relatively new space to open and has regular morning and evening classes at its District One location on Pasteur.

L’Apothiquaire, the upmarket spa and wellness center, has a small yoga studio and classes.

California Wow has a ‘Planet Yoga’ and have recently opened in D1 right next to Ben Thanh market.

Other places include Star Fitness at The Manor and of course numerous clubs catering to Vietnamese only students. If anyone is interested I can certianly post the details to those too. Chi, before being pregnant, regularly practiced with a group of trainers who work in various places around the city.

Anything I have forgotten please remind me in the comments section…. As a final note, a quote from a Huffington Post piece for those cynical about yoga – well here is a ‘yogi’ getting cynical in return – 10 reasons not to do yoga.

As a longtime yoga teacher, I remember when part of my job used to consist of talking resistant people into trying it for the first time.

Then maybe they love it, they lose weight, look better, feel more awake and aware, their relationships transform, blah, blah, blah. But most never set foot in a studio, never take that first step onto a sticky mat, sure from what they’ve heard that they won’t like it, or won’t be good at it, no matter how in pain they are physically, mentally or emotionally.

Well, I’m done with all that.

Yogis are fond of saying, “save your breath to cool your porridge”. And let me tell you, my pot o’ porridge bubbleth over.

After 15 years of conversations with two types of people–those who crave personal growth, and those who don’t, I have come to believe that for many people, there are some darn good reasons not to do yoga, beyond the obvious ones, like a body cast or a deep aversion to lycra.

If you fall into one of these categories, then you shouldn’t ever let some chipper, well-meaning yoga teacher like myself convince you that yoga is the right choice for you.

Facebook groups:

Michelle Lloyd Yoga in Saigon
The Yoga and Meditation Center
Yoga Living Saigon Vietnam

Christmas Carols Concert Saigon

If you happen to be around town on the 4th or 5th of December why not catch the Xmas carols concert for a taste of the festive atmosphere. Details below and here.

Phy My Bridge Fun Run…

The following is taken from the Facebook group ‘Phu My Bridge Phun Run’ found here.

Be the first to run the Phu My Bridge!

On Sunday, 6 September 2009, the inaugural ‘Phun Run’ will be held to celebrate the opening of the Phu My Bridge. The fun run starts at 8 AM.

Anyone can join in the fun! Prizes to be awarded for the first home and best dressed. A DJ and band will also add to the festivities.

Entry is VND 50,000 (children/students) and VND 100,000 (adults). All proceeds donated to local charity. Registration opens on 1 August 2009 at the ticket selling outlets listed below.

For more details, please visit www.phun-run.com or email info@phun-run.com.

So if you are in Ho Chi Minh City at the start of September and fancy a little jog, you know what to do…

Salsa on Sundays in HCMC

No more reason to stay at home on SUNDAY NIGHT…

Every Sunday from 9pm till midnight, Cage Bar become a Latin venue! Bringing together under one roof, all the color, style and culture of Central & South America.

Our DJs and Instructors welcome on a large dance floor all Salsa Lovers, Amateur or professional dancers.

Since 2 weeks already, Fabien and Bruno share with you their passion for Latin groove with a eclectic mix of Salsa, Merengue, Samba rhythms.

Beginners will be greeting by our professionals Salsa instructors and teach you all the basic moves…

Find your partner and improve your skills on the dance floor between 2 projections of Salsa clip and a sip of fresh Mojito…

No more reason to stay at home on SUNDAY NIGHT…

Yoga Mala Event in HCMC, September 21st

Uniting Ho Chi Minh City’s community in a charity yoga event on September 21st, 2008 – the UN International Peace Day.

All proceeds from this event are going to help with the ongoing medical costs of miracle baby – Thien Nhan.

We will breathe and move our way in union through 108 sun salutations to chilled out funky global beats with plenty of time for rest, meditation and contemplation.

Absolutely everyone is warmly invited – Your energy and participation is required to make this event a beautiful success – experience a transformational yoga practice and help a little boy who needs our prayers and $$!

To be held at Dancenter, 46/2 Nguyen Cuu Van, Binh Thanh District at 3pm Sunday 21 September (Big thanks to our lovely Dancenter friends x)

I Luv HIP-HOP

Where’s a great place to go for Saturday night hip-hop beats in Ho Chi Minh City….try this!

Top floor, Parkson Saigontourst Plaza
Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam

I ♥ HIP HOP
Get a taste of Saturday Night Flava as the Crème de la Crème of Hip Hop High Society congregate in a night of Hip Hop Classics & Homeboy Chic. Bounce fires up the floor with the latest Hip Hop tracks in a Big & Bold, Rhythm & Rhyme extravaganza. Be part of the A-list Aficionado…